How Stereotypically American Are You? (My Answers)

A friend on Facebook posted up his results to a survey that someone created which asks, “How Sterotypically American are You?”.  I’m killing time waiting for something to get finished so I thought I’d share my snarky responses to the questions that did not apply to me; makes me wonder who came up with this Survey.
If you want to see how well you score, you can take it here:
My guess is, if you even answer one question “yes” then by the grace of God you are an American!
Phil Cole / Gett

Had bacon as part of multiple meals in a day?  YES, more often than was healthy
Drank to embarrassing levels of excess?  YES
Drank out of red Solo cups?  YES
Been to a keg party?  YES
Driven a truck or SUV?  YES, and armored personnel carriers
Owned a truck or SUV?  YES, 8 of them so far
Gotten into a bar fight?  N0, but I broke up a few when I was an SP in the USAF 
Owned an article of clothing with the American flag on it?  YES
Owned more than one article of clothing with the American flag on it?  YES
10 Had a closet full of American flag gear?  Not unless a closet full of uniforms counts.
11 Worn a denim jacket?  YES
12 Thought “I’d look damn good in a denim jacket”?  No, but have thought that about my wife and bought her one no too long ago cause she didn’t have one.
13 Said “‘Murica”?  Not until today.
14 Been to a country music concert?  YES
15 Watched a NASCAR event?  YES, far too many
16 Been to a NASCAR event?  YES, Riverside Int’l Speedway
17 Attended a Major League Baseball game?   YES, in several cities.
18 Eaten a hot dog at a ball game?  YES
19 Drank a Slurpie?  YES, but don’t know why
20 Eaten a T-bone steak?  YES, but prefer the RibEye part
21 Talked shit about the metric system?  No, but I do get pissed when I have to keep switching back and forth between SAE and Metric tools working on a Harley… so I talk shit about Harley’s lousy engineering all the time.
22 Bought something in bulk?  YES
23 Eaten fast food multiple times in a day? Thankfully, no.
24 Drowned in student loan debt? Again, thankfully no. GI Bill & Self-Funded.
25 Drank a Budweiser?  YES, but prefer Bud Lite & Bud Lite Platinum
26 Drank far too many Budweisers on an American holiday?  YES
27 Barbecued?  YES
28 Voted for a reality show?  Good Lord, no.
29 Tried to get on a reality show?  I’m living my own reality show, no need.
30 Had road rage? Not really; sure I get pissed and yell but have never acted-out against anyone or gotten into a fight because someone doesn’t know how to drive… even when I’ve been hit riding my motorcycle (twice) or bicycle (4x).
31 Gotten a speeding ticket?  YES, and gotten out of several too
32 Gotten into an uninformed political argument?  Not where I was uninformed.
33 Been to the Statue of Liberty?  YES
34 Been to Mount Rushmore?  Soon by God, soon….
35 Given a stranger directions?  YES
36 Lived in a McMansion?  Not hardly, 3,300sf is not a McMansion.
37 Complained about President Bush?  YES, both of them
38 Complained about President Obama?  YES
39 Complained about people complaining about President Bush or Obama?  YES
40 Signed up for a credit card at too young an age?  Got my first at 18 and have never carried a balance, so no… it wasn’t too young.
41 Spoken in a horrific British accent?  No, my voice impressions are pretty good.
42 Hooked up with a foreigner solely because of their accent?  Sorry, I’ve only hooked up with all-American babes!
43 Only watched soccer during the World Cup?  Trick Question; no true American would ever be that into the World Cup.
44 Sung the national anthem at a bar?  YES
45 Started a “U-S-A” chant?  Not that I can recall; see Questions #2, #26 and #84
46 Watched fireworks on the Fourth of July?  YES
47 Set off fireworks on the Fourth of July?  YES
48 Burned something down because of the fireworks you set off on the Fourth of July?  Not that I’m aware of or that could be proven.
49 Acted like you knew all the words to Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” but sang only the chorus?  Not a big fan of the Boss, but Clarence Clemons was always worth a listen.
50 Inexplicably gone crazy over a Journey song?  Can’t think of any song I’ve gottten inexplicably crazy over other than when someone really nails the Star Spangled Banner in a really respectful way just as the fly-over comes past.
51 Fired a gun?  YES, at least every other week.
52 Gone hunting?  YES
53 Gone fishing?  YES
54 Gone camping?  YES
55 Gone hiking?  YES
56 Served in the military?   YES
57 Sarcastically made fun of Canada?  Good Lord, why?  They’re just Canadians?  Hmmm, that might now be a yes.
58 Voted?  YES
59 Given money to a homeless person?  YES, directly and indirectly via taxes.
60 Wished you lived in California?  YES
61Wished you lived in New York?  As in New York, New York? Never.  
62 Wished you lived anywhere else?  YES
63 Truly believed in the American dream?  YES
64 Considered yourself a big Harrison Ford fan?  Uhh, no. Trick Question?
65 YouTubed Bill Pullman’s speech in “Independence Day”?  An awful movie that I never watched all the way through.
66 Gotten choked up when Goose died in “Top Gun”?  Really? Choked-up in a Tony Scott movie with Tom Cruise?
67 Known how to properly fold an American flag?  YES, was part of a color guard in the USAF.
68 Swelled with pride while watching “Rocky IV”?  Which one was that? I lost track.  Must have been the one with Dolph Lundgren & Brigitte Nielsen.  Too predicable.
69 Bought something from an infomercial?  Good lord no.
70 Done something unspeakable in Las Vegas?  I can’t even imagine what that would be other than blowing your retirement savings or dating out of species.
71 Rode a Harley-Davidson?  YES, I have two at the moment.
72 Owned a pair of Levi’s jeans?  YES
73 Spent five-plus hours on a Saturday watching Netflix?  I’ve never watched anything on Netflix.
74 Spent a 10-plus hours on a Saturday watching Netflix?  See question #73.
75 Had a crush on a cheerleader?  I said no originally, but I just remembered the first girl I met when I moved to Illinois who was a knock-out.  She was a Cheerleader, but she was also into Track & Field… shotput and other strength events.  OMG.  She was amazing, but so far beyond my station in life that I would characterize it as purely admiration not a crush.
76 Been a cheerleader?  Uh, no…
77 Owned cowboy boots?  YES, many pair
78 Considered yourself a patriot?  YES
79 Spent an unhealthy amount of time on the internet in one sitting?  YES, it’s a curse.
80 Looked forward to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition?  Not into airbrushed models… prefer real women who have day jobs and just look good in flattering clothes.
81 Looked forward to Shark Week?  What’s shark week?
82 Owned a skateboard?  Nope, not my generation.  We did bikes, then built go-carts and mini-bikes with Briggs & Stratton engines before discovering dirt bikes.
83 Read “The Great Gatsby”?  Amazingly, no… not even the Cliffs note version.
84 Gotten inappropriately drunk at a work happy hour?  YES
85 Been to a U.S. national park?  YES, many of them.
86 Been to three-plus U.S. national parks?  YES
87 Hated communism?  YES
88 Believed in conspiracy theories?  Not ones that aren’t based on evidence.. which is to say they’re not theories.
89 Had a disproportionately large ego?  Sadly, no.  But I hide my low self-esteem pretty well.
90 Gone line dancing?  YES, but am not any good at it.
91 Gotten fired up for a saxophone solo?  YES
92 Considered yourself very good at air guitar?  Have never done an “air guitar” impression.
93 Fought over a parking space?  Not worth it.
94 Enjoyed watching “Seinfeld”?  YES, but don’t make a point of it
95 Considered “Die Hard” a Christmas movie?  Uh, no… Not until now. So I might have to revise that answer.
96 Made an apple pie?  No, but I’ll always help to eat one.
97 Hitchhiked?  No.  But I have picked up hitchhikers.
98 Been to Disney World?  YES, and Disney Land before there was a Disney World
99 Eaten a Twinkie?  YES
100 Enjoyed your freedom?  YES


About TG

I've been around a bit and done a few things, have a couple kids and a few grandkids. I tend to be curmudgeonly, matter-of-fact and not predisposed to self-serving chit-chat. Thankfully, my wife's as nice as can be otherwise we'd have no friends. My interests are somewhat eclectic, but whose aren't?
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